Death Doula: Grounding in Peace

There are certain things that ground us. It can be the sound of someone's voice. It can be the familiarity of our surroundings. It can be a song or a pet. It can be holding the hand of a loved one. It can be a favorite verse or story of the Bible that reminds of God's ever present help. It can be a prayer that gives you hope in the moment. The things that ground us give us peace.

I bought this blanket in Kenya for Papa. It is a Masai Warrior blanket. I had no idea how much this blanket would mean to Papa. I bought it because he is always cold. But the fact that it is a traditional warrior blanket encouraged his heart. He asks for it all the time. At times, it is almost a demand. "Give me my warrior blanket." Now it is "my blanket." It brings comfort, warmth, and a vision of strength. It grounds Papa. I had no clue when I bought it what it would mean. 

Papa comes home from the hospital today. I have known this day was coming. We moved Papa, Mema, and Aunt Janie here to help them in this season of life three years ago. It has been so much fun. It has been so hard. It is beautiful. We have learned so much.

We have been silly and danced to oldies music. You might find us "Celebrate Good Times" with a conga line while we are"Staying Alive". Or find us pushing through to the theme song of ROCKY. You might laugh at our morning stretches as we wake up to "I'm so Blessed" and Papa seems to think they are saying, "Taco Bell." Sometimes, we are "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay," when we need a more mellow day. We are always singing about the "Goodness of "God" and praying with the song "The LORD Bless You." 

In all of this, it occured to me this week when we were told Papa was going on hospice that I am a Doula. 

When we had to choose a hospice care team to join us in our home, it became quite clear. As I did my research, I noticed that one company truly gets it. They are holistic in their approach. They do all that the other groups do in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual help, but they add music, art, and massage therapy as some of their touch points. They get it. They want someone to have joy in this transition.

This is when it hit me. We have been acting like a Death Doula. The hospice team is a Death Doula. Just as a Doula helps a mom give birth, what we have been doing as a family is helping our family birth into eternal life.  

We pray, we touch, we sing, we laugh, we cry, we encourage, we remind, we wait, we help...

We make sure the heart, mind, soul, and spirit are ready to move forward. It is really quite a beautiful gift. 

So we begin a knew phase in our birthing journey. For those that have done this before, thank you for your role model. For those that will follow, embrace the gift of being a Doula. You can be the one who brings true grounding by helping your loved one walk into eternal life.

The little red plane grounds me

As Papa got into bed he said, "You know every night, I leave and go places. Sometimes I get in the car to go to work. I went shopping the other day. But everytime, I open my eyes and I see the plane, I know I am home."

I bought this plane for Papa for Christmas last year and hung it above his bed so he had something fun to look at. I had no idea that the little red baron plane would be his grounding.

Papa often tells me about how the plane helped him. Sometimes his journeys are not fun and the plane helps him to know he is home safe. 

I have been thinking alot about grounding. What in my life grounds me? 

Greg, Mikayla, Grant, Mom, and a few dear friends ground me. When I feel discombobulated, I can process with them and suddenly I am centered again. They help me see things from a different perspective, calm me, and remind me to laugh or cry when necessary. I feel at home and safe in being real with them. 

Creation grounds me. Just being able to sit outside, walk, and enjoy the trees, birds, and beauty of creation fills me up. It centers me. I find I feel more grounded when I spend more time in or with creation. It gives me joy and opens my heart to awe and wonder. This includes Peach and Melchizedek as they minister to me through their kindness and silly antics.

Creating things grounds me. I believe part of it is because it is something I can control. Part of it is because it ignites joy in me. Truly wonder and awe of beauty and giving come alive in me when I am creating. When life is really stressed I am always better if I pause and take time to create. It slows me down and stops the crazy cycle that can run amuck in my head. It also inspires generosity in me. It must be shared to be fully known.

My morning ritual grounds me. I get up, make my chai, get my Bible and my journal and then I sit in my comfy chair to watch the birds and squirrels while I read my Bible and pray. My time with God in the Word grounds me spiritually and emotionally. I can tell when my time is shortened. I am not as grounded if I don't keep my eyes on the LORD. He is my red plane that helps me know I am safe and home. He is the reason I can process with my family and see beauty in creation. He is what makes me centered and stable. He opens me up to repentance, forgiveness, love, hope, healing, kindness, generosity and so much more that is beyond me apart from Him.

What is your red plane that grounds you? What helps you remember who you are and that you are safe? 

If you don't know the answer, maybe you should seek God and ask Him to help you find what will help you become grounded. I promise He will give you what you need at the moment you need it.

Shalom, y'all.