Death Doula: Grounding in Peace

There are certain things that ground us. It can be the sound of someone's voice. It can be the familiarity of our surroundings. It can be a song or a pet. It can be holding the hand of a loved one. It can be a favorite verse or story of the Bible that reminds of God's ever present help. It can be a prayer that gives you hope in the moment. The things that ground us give us peace.

I bought this blanket in Kenya for Papa. It is a Masai Warrior blanket. I had no idea how much this blanket would mean to Papa. I bought it because he is always cold. But the fact that it is a traditional warrior blanket encouraged his heart. He asks for it all the time. At times, it is almost a demand. "Give me my warrior blanket." Now it is "my blanket." It brings comfort, warmth, and a vision of strength. It grounds Papa. I had no clue when I bought it what it would mean. 

Papa comes home from the hospital today. I have known this day was coming. We moved Papa, Mema, and Aunt Janie here to help them in this season of life three years ago. It has been so much fun. It has been so hard. It is beautiful. We have learned so much.

We have been silly and danced to oldies music. You might find us "Celebrate Good Times" with a conga line while we are"Staying Alive". Or find us pushing through to the theme song of ROCKY. You might laugh at our morning stretches as we wake up to "I'm so Blessed" and Papa seems to think they are saying, "Taco Bell." Sometimes, we are "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay," when we need a more mellow day. We are always singing about the "Goodness of "God" and praying with the song "The LORD Bless You." 

In all of this, it occured to me this week when we were told Papa was going on hospice that I am a Doula. 

When we had to choose a hospice care team to join us in our home, it became quite clear. As I did my research, I noticed that one company truly gets it. They are holistic in their approach. They do all that the other groups do in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual help, but they add music, art, and massage therapy as some of their touch points. They get it. They want someone to have joy in this transition.

This is when it hit me. We have been acting like a Death Doula. The hospice team is a Death Doula. Just as a Doula helps a mom give birth, what we have been doing as a family is helping our family birth into eternal life.  

We pray, we touch, we sing, we laugh, we cry, we encourage, we remind, we wait, we help...

We make sure the heart, mind, soul, and spirit are ready to move forward. It is really quite a beautiful gift. 

So we begin a knew phase in our birthing journey. For those that have done this before, thank you for your role model. For those that will follow, embrace the gift of being a Doula. You can be the one who brings true grounding by helping your loved one walk into eternal life.

Worry and Fear Kill

(Art by Scott Young)

"Death was walking toward a man who stopped him and asked, "What are you going to do?" 

Death said, "I'm going to kill ten thousand people." The man said, "That's horrible!" 

Death said, "That's the way it is; that is what I do!" As the day passed, the man warned everyone he could of Death's plan. 

At the end of the day, he met Death again. He said, "You said, "You were going to kill ten thousand people, and yet one hundred thousand people died." 

Death explained, "I only killed ten thousand. 

Worry and fear killed the others." (Source unknown, but found in Holman New Testament Commentary). 

Worry seems to be in a lot of my conversations and if I am honest my mind spends way too much time worrying, too. 

Been thinking on this alot because Grant has quoted at least three times, well maybe more, a line from Fantastic Creatures. "Don't worry because this means you live it twice." 

Everytime, he says it, I think some die a thousand times over. I know! It is easier said than done. I know this is why we are commanded to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Mind renewal isn't just taking a positive thinking stance. It is the willful obedience to release the circumstances to the LORD and trust Him with the outcome. Sometimes, this must done a thousand times over before we just realize, "Hey, I did not think on that today!" 

Where are you reliving something two, three times or more?  

Beloved, release it to the LORD JESUS and enjoy the peace which surpasses all understanding to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. No point in giving Death more than he is accountable for!