Struck blind

Grant and I will tell a tandem of Acts 13:1-11 in a few weeks and as I study this crazy story, I am struck by something so profound.

Okay, this story is about a false prophet, BarJesus. His name in Hebrew means Son of Jesus. These short 12 verses gives him six descriptors: A Jewish sorcerer, false prophet, named BarJesus, called Elymas (which means wise in Arabic), and magician. Well more if you include what Paul says child of the devil, full of deceit and trickery, who never stops perverting evil.

Why so many?

He sought to stop the faith of Sergius Paulus the governor/procounsel of Paphos in Cypress.

Saul (Paul) whose name will transition to Paul in the middle of this incident. Paul realizes the intent of this man's deceit and realizes that BarJesus has attached himself to the governor Paulus, who was known to be intelligent. So he tells BarJesus, he is to be struck blind for a season because he will not stop going against what is right. 

Paul, the very one struck blind by God so he would believe strikes another man blind, and then Paul professes that BarJesus will remain blind for a season. Such an interesting connection. 

This causes the Governor Paulus to believe as he listens to Paul's teaching. 

We need to catch that it is in this very moment that Paul transitions from to the Jew to the Gentile. 

The Jewish sorcerer is symbolic of what happened to the Jewish nation at this time. They kept distorting what was right, so they are blinded for a season and will not see. The blinders will be removed at some point, but not now.

Holy wozer! My mind in blown as I caught this truth today. 

This chapter is all about transitions.

Transition from Jew to Gentile.

Transition from Saul to Paul (the use of his Hebrew name to Roman name.)

Transition from Barnabas and Saul to Paul and Barnabas.

Oh the irony of the one struck blind for a moment so he could see to strike blind the Jewish sorcerer to set off the movement to the Gentiles! 

Oh my! I am struck with awe!

Multi-cultural...Mutli-racial...Multi-socio-economic...It is all there!

Multi-cultural...

Mutli-racial...

Multi-socio-economic...

It is all there!

Acts 13 caught me this morning.

Barnabas: A Greek man

Simeon: North African (a black Jew)

Lucias: North African (Greek, Jew/ Phoenician culture)

Manean: possibly mixed, Jewish or Edomite/Arab; Idumaean.This isn't stated, but it is implied by what is stated. 

John Mark: Roman/Jew.  

Okay, this is what hit me hard this morning.

"Another was Manean. He grew up with Herod, the ruler of Galilee." (Acts 13:1). 

His race or nation were not mentioned. It was who and how he grew up. He grew up with Herod Antipas! You know, the one who beheaded John the Baptist and executed Jesus. 

Manean was one brave dude! 

Herod knew him well. Manean was raised in the royal court yard with Herod! Now, he was praying with Barnabas and Saul (Paul) as a prophet and teacher. Now Manean was enjoying the movement of the Holy Spirit as He sends out Barnabas and Saul to teach the very things that caused Herod to kill John and Jesus (Acts 13:1).

Truly, when you get it. The good news of Jesus breaks down all the barriers.

Multi... becomes a part of your being. Why?  Because our God is a God of inclusion! 

Your nation or station mean nothing to the Creator of all things. 

I have sat in rooms with tribes that included both the royal and the poor, but what blew my mind the most. They would not have sat together before, but for Christ. Because of Jesus they joined together letting go of their race, station, and tradition. Why?  Because of their common faith that God sent His Son for all of man kind. 

Our God is a God of multi-surprises for sure!

Does my soul know it's worth?

As we sang O'Holy Night at church, I caught the line "Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth," I was caught by the wonder of this verse.

Does my soul feel His worth? 

If my soul does feel His worth then my soul has felt its worth.

Christmas is my favorite time because so many will pause to enjoy the wonder and be in awe of what God has done. I have to smile inside because even the most vile cannot resist a baby. Well, unless they have a heart like Herod. 

Do you get it? 

Knowing His worth brings hope! A weary world rejoices! 

Please pause long enough to just let the lyrics penetrate you so you know His worth and your own. 

May this Christmas awaken hope in you. Much love! Tara

O holy night! the stars are brightly shining;

It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope--the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night divine! O night, O night divine!

Truly he taught us to love one another;

His law is love and his gospel is peace.

Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother,

And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we;

Let all within us praise his holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise his name forever!

His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!

His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!

O night divine! O night, O night divine!

Merry Christmas, y'all!  

By Placide Cappeau in 1847

The Gift of Tears

I have a friend who has chosen the word "tears" for her word for next year. 

I confess "tears" caught me. 

I know tears bring healing.

I know Jesus catches our tears in a bottle. 

I did a deep dive.

There are 3 kinds of tears.

1. Reflex tears to remove irritants to protect the eyes.

2. Continuous tears that provide cleansing hydration that nourishes the eyes.

3. Emotional tears that release stress hormones that provide healing as toxins release through them. Crying actually decreases both the heart and breath rate calming our body. 

Did you know emotional tears are thicker and stickier because of the chemicals in them? 

Wait... tears protect, nourish and heal.

So, Why do we fight crying? 

Well, Greg says I cry all the time. Eeck! Lol!

This made me ask, "What are the types of emotional tears that I cry?"

In order as they came to me...

Angry, sad, frustrated, mad...

Silent, lonely...

Happy, joyful, awe, bliss, laughing...

Surrender, fearful...

Release, relief...

Compassion, hope...

Grief...

Blessing...

Connection, affection, bonding, Identifying...

The word "Identifying" made me think of the shortest verse. 

Jesus wept! (John 11:35). He identified and cried just knowing someone was grieving.

There have been moments in my life when I could not cry. The depth of of the moment was either protected or frozen. Probably, in some circumstances the protection was so I could get through it. And the frozen moments were my own brokenness needing a break through. But what always allowed those tears to eventually flow was identifying with another. It was the incredible gift of empathy. It is was in this holy connection that release would finally come and healing release would flow through my tears.

I would discover...

Comfort

Binding

Release

Balance

Connection

Dancing

Healing

Fellowsip

Love

Love is known through tears!

I love that God keeps track of every single tear. I imagine His unseen bottle gently catching my tears cascading down my cheeks. They fall in His bottle carefully captured. I imagine His bottle being biggger than any ocean because our tears are many for the human race yet small enough to be unseen and not felt. His love is shown by His holy collection of tears. A memory of our story. Precious enough to be His holy keepsake. Go read Psalm 56:8.

God sees every tear and hears every cry (Ps. 34:15).

God will wipe away every tear (Rev 21:4).

God will bless and comfort those who mourn (Matt. 5:4).

Sow in tears and you will shout with joy (Ps. 126:5)

He will turn mourning into dancing (Isaiah 61:3).

I guess praying for "tears" is quite a good word. Go ahead and let them flow! Male and female alike go ahead and cry. Remember, the gift of healing that each tear brings and that God is keeping a record in His book and storing them in His bottle. 

How precious are the tears of His children! Why, because He loves you!

How to have an evergreen marriage, Part 3

Summer is the best season of all. I realize that those in the spring season might disagree, but there is something so beautiful about having gone through the seasons and finally reaching summer together. History is how our stories are created. History is what shapes us and gives us depth of understanding. Our history of making it through a tough winter or hard fall season reveals to us our strength of enduring and standing strong regardless of what was brought before us. In the summer season of marriage, we have learned how to communicate reliably with our words and with our micro-expressions that no one else will understand. Summer is when we feel secure and satisfied in our partner celebrating both their good and bad. We can even laugh at each other’s quirks and find joy in knowing and being known. 

There is one thing I have realized that I must do if I want to remain in the summer season. We must continuously be aware of what the Song of Solomon refers to as “taking care of the little foxes” (2:15). Foxes are known to wreak havoc to a garden if not dealt with. The little foxes in marriage are bad attitudes, moments of disrespect with tone, not thinking the best of our spouse in a situation, or not daily finding ways to celebrate them as a person in the mundane. The more aware we are of the little foxes and take care of them, we will better guard the length of our summer. I would also like to suggest that taking care of the little foxes will also prolong your spring or shorten your fall and winter season. 

After thirty-four years of marriage, Greg and I have gone through the seasons both rapidly and slowly. It was the choice to choose love and service that pulled us through. Recently, as we were going about our day, I realized that our highs and lows have made us more one because it is our story. Our story has not been easy, but it is ours. Our daily choices to be respectful or just be with each other in the pain of circumstances have made us stronger. 

Early in our marriage we heard that most couples go through a major life crisis within their first ten years of marriage. We laughed hard when we heard this because God took us through seven years of intense trials in our first years of marriage. Four of them were downright painful. One of the struggles we faced included being told we couldn’t have children. This devastated me. Greg reminded me that God will give us children if He wants us to have children. He was right. God blessed us after five years of praying and waiting. I always worry about sharing this one because I have dear friends that have not moved to the blessing yet. In our seventh year of marriage when Mikayla was a toddler and we were pregnant with Grant we lost everything to a flood caused by Tropical Storm Francis. Overnight, we became homeless with one child, pregnant with a second child, two dogs, and a cat. We had to face the daunting task of rebuilding our home while trying to find some semblance of familial rhythm. I remember walking into church the Sunday after our lives drastically changed thinking, “No one here knows what we have been through or how our lives have flipped upside down!” As God would have it, on that Sunday I was expected to stand up at church and give a testimony. Somehow by God’s grace I did, and I did it without crying or telling them what had happened to us. When I walked off the stage Beth Moore came up to me and said, “Do not stop speaking! You speak with authority! God has His hand on you!” She has no idea how I held onto that word of encouragement through the years or how much it meant to me on that particular Sunday of grief. 

When Grant was barely a toddler, we discovered my mom had a rare form of non nodgkins lymphoma that only eight people in the US had survived past five years. I wailed! Greg had to figure out how to handle me and my mom processing this form of grief. Oh my! My mom is now well over 20 years in remission and lives with us as we minister to her as she faces a lung disease and the loss of her husband of 48 years. Literally, at the same time we faced my mom’s battle with cancer, Greg’s company, ENRON, collapsed and we lost all of our financial security and savings. We was relocated to Nebraska from Texas, so we lost all of our family, friends, and church connections. This caused Greg to go into circumstantial depression. I felt like we were being hit from every angle in our lives. Leaving my mom behind in Texas was excruciating. I didn’t like her facing cancer without us. Starting over in Nebraska was so hard. I wondered if we would ever know the depth of fellowship we had in Texas. 

These very things that hit us hard in our seasons of marriage are the very things that God has used to make us resilient like the evergreen tree. We committed to making choices to love, honor, and obey the LORD and one another through it all. It was not easy, but the fruit born from it matured us and made us grow stronger. As I reflect, I am in awe of all God did in us. We really needed to mature in Christ, and this was the path He allowed us to walk. I am so thankful now for those years because God has used them in so many ways to allow us to love and serve others. So, now when we face a new season, we know we can keep growing through it all. He is faithful and we see to be faithful ourselves! 

Summer is when you have passed through the seasons and found you are content to be together as you weather the seasons because you know you are better together as you go through them than if you were alone!

I am not longer using a Bible app in church

Sarah and I were talking about worship and our preferences for singing or not singing. I often prefer to listen because it is more worshipful for me. Then I said, "If a church were to provide tables and art supplies during worship I would be at the table drawing what God was speaking to me." I see images in my mind's eye when I worship. 

There is something about picking up the pen and simply drawing that causes my entire being to calm down and listen. My Bibles are always filled with notes and lots of drawings, etc.

I then thought, "So, why am I using my Bible app in my phone?" I love it when I read something in my Bible and I may not remember the book chapter or verse but I can flip and find it because a memory map remembers the space it was centered on the page. My minds eye remembers the image.

So, I bought a new Bible. I am going to stop using my phone app that robs me of the mental memory map and go back to drawing in my Bible during the worship service. 

I love a new Bible. It is like the new year. It brings anticipation and adventure. Growth. Revelation. Yes, I am filled with anticipation. 

So, if my head is down and my hands are doodling it isn't because I am not listening. It is because this is how I listen best. 

I am so excited!

How to have an evergreen marriage, Part 2

The season of winter in marriage is the season we do not want to enter because it is where the roots of bitterness start to take hold and we find ourselves dwelling on all the wrong things. We are no longer thinking well of our spouse and seeking their benefit. We find ourselves dwelling on unresolved conflicts, frustrations, or even poor story patterns that are hurting our relationship. It is critical in this season for us to seek help. This is where it is important to surround yourself with wise godly counsel with family, friends, church leaders, and even counselors when needed. It is also wise that if you have not already incorporated this in your life before you should start prayer journaling scripture over your marriage. 

I remember in one of our winter seasons when we were newlyweds, I started prayer journaling through Colossians 3 and 1 Corinthians 13 over my marriage. Our circumstances did not change, but my heart did! 

 We do not have to stay in winter for long if we work at being transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2) and dying to self (John 3:3). Early in our marriage, I remember a season after having two children when Greg was traveling a lot for work. I felt so distant and disconnected from him. One evening, I walked into the kitchen when he was doing the dishes. I was so messed up in my head that instead of being thankful for him helping in the kitchen I immediately snapped at him because I felt guilty that the dishes weren’t done. Because we had not connected emotionally or even physically for a while I was allowing a bad thought pattern to roll around in my head. I don’t even remember the poor story pattern was at the time. But, after snapping at him, I stomped off outside and sat on our porch swing and while forcing the swing in an aggressive sway I began to gripe and complain to God. I honestly do not know how I was able to hear the voice of God because my internal screaming was at an all-time high, but in His sweet and sovereign grace He allowed me to hear His voice and I heard, “Tara, you must die to self. You are only thinking about you and not Greg. Stop talking to me about Greg. I only deal with you when it comes to sin when I am talking to you. I will talk to Greg about his stuff.” And then God graciously revealed to me my sin in the situation. I was so convicted. It was at this moment that I realized that what I choose to allow in my thought life, words, and actions can cause us to go into a winter season. 

In many ways, entering winter is our own selfish actions that cause us to walk into that cold. God wants to work in us to do all we can to guard our heart, mind, soul, and spirit. When I am willing to let God do this work in me, I can become a protector of our marriage and not allow any bitter roots to take hold by giving grace, mercy, and forgiveness freely as I receive it. Doing this enabled us to move into summer much more gracefully. It is crazy amazing how fast this transition can happen!

I remember clearly one moment when Greg and I were in an argument and both of us were fighting to be right. I remembered that our pastor had once said that sometimes the best thing you can do is just allow the other person to be right even when you know you are right. So, I decided to do it. I simply said, “You are right. I am wrong. Will you forgive me?” I was so surprised when Greg paused and looked at me with a kinder look and said, “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?” We instantly hugged each other and peace was restored. It was so fast because both of our hearts were willing to humble ourselves before the other. I remember in that moment having the most incredible swell of love for Greg because I saw a spirit of humility rise in him. If I felt that for him, I hoped that he also felt the same for me. I believe his actions soon showed it!